Hannah Money's Story
‼️ WARNING TALK OF PREGNANCY AND INFANT LOSS ‼️
Written by: Hannah Money
Before I start preaching my story I just wanna start of by saying I don’t even know where to start or what the right words are to use I’m just gonna let my mind and hands take control.
My name is Hannah, I’m 20 years old and I live in Evansville, IN. I have been with my boyfriend Jeremiah for a year and 2 months, he’s my world and together we can overcome anything. I got pregnant with my daughter, Karmyn April 1st 2019 she was my first and his and we both were over the moon with excitement! We told our family and friends right off the bat we couldn’t keep it a secret that we were finally having a baby!
Our first appointment was May 30th 2019 a day after mama’s (MY) birthday, what a GREAT birthday gift!!?? We had our first ultrasound at 8weeks 3days and everything was looking super perfect! She had a high heart rate of 168 and was looking very good in size and shape! At the moment I knew I never knew what true love really was, (I sure do love her daddy) but that love is something SO different. I had all kinds of apps that every week told me how big my baby was getting and what was happening everyday with my body and baby.. I was able to get the genetic blood test done at 10 weeks and doing that we were able to find out the babies gender, so of course we found out!! A week later we found out we were having a BABYGIRL!! We were SO EXCITED. We announced it to our family, friends and the world! The next day we HAD to go out a buy some outfits, bows and anything else we could get!
June 27th 2019 we had our 12week checkup, I was 12week 3days . I was told my doctor was having a hard time hearing the heart beat on his doppler so he sent me get an emergency ultrasound, there is were I was told my precious babygirl passed away at 9 weeks... I carried my sweet girl around talking, laughing, singing and going on with life thinking everything was as peachy as ever.. I had bought a home doppler at 10 weeks and I kinda knew something was off whenever I was having a hard time hearing the heart beat.. From the very first day of being 10 weeks till 12 weeks, 3 weeks went by and I thought I was just doing it wrong or my baby was already just as stubborn as me.. Never did I ever once thing something was wrong with my baby because just 5 days ago everything was FINE!?
On June 28th 2018 I had a D&C because of a missed miscarriage.. My body wasn’t wanting to pass my baby and it didn’t even show signs of anything being wrong, I never bled or anything. I was told I could bury my baby free at cost with other babies who have passed and at first I was okay with it and that’s what I was wanting to do but as time went by all I wanted was my baby. I wanted to hold her, kiss her and tell her how much I loved her.
On August 23rd 2019 I called my local hospital about cremation and was told I was able to do that I just had to call around some local funeral homes to see which one would fit us best. The very first one I called was the one we went with, they were VERY VERY kind, professional and really made us feel like our baby mattered and will be very loved and missed.
August 28th I picked up my babygirl and felt so much relief that I FINALLY was able to hold my daughter and kiss her. Although it’s not the way I expected it to be but, it’s how it turned out to be and I will always be grateful I am able to have her home with us.
Three months went by of trying to have our sweet rainbow and FINALLY on September 23rd 2019 I found out I was expecting a perfect angel again! Although I was very very nervous I was so happy and scared at the same time, but I also tired to stay has claim and stress free as possible. The same day I went to our local mall and got a onesie made to surprise Jeremiah. When he came home from work I had it all set up cute waiting for him, he was SO HAPPY!! We both couldn’t believe it really happened again and that fast! We wanted to wait until our first doctors appointment to announce it to friends and family. We did tell some people because I just couldn’t keep it a secrete!
On September 27th 2019 I was having some very mild cramping nothing too bad and some spotting but with me recently losing a baby was worried so I went to the local emergency OB. I had some labs done and they gave me an ultrasound and I was told the ultrasound looked good and so did the blood flow, only thing bad was my levels were at 66 and they wanted me to see my doctor Monday morning.
On September 28th 2019 I woke up at 2am and thought I was urinating on myself but once I got up and turned on the light I soon realized it was blood and it was EVERYWHERE. So of course I went back to the ER where they check my levels and tell me they’re now at 77 so that was GOOD! They were rising which was a great sign. I was sent home again and told the bleeding was normal, so were the cramps and not to come back in, just wait till I see my doctor Monday.
September 30th 2019 was my appointment with my doctor and was told my levels dropped all the way down to 12. In the matter of 3.5 days, and the only thing everyone told me was it was normal. My doctor told me I would have to wait until my 4th miscarriage to start any testing and fertility treatments. I was told by a PROFESSIONAL physician that TWO more of my sweet babies would have to pass in order for someone to care, or to start doing something! My doctor never gave me any answers on what happened or what I should do. He just walked out and sent me on my way. I’m hurt, mad, confused and just feel so empty. Pregnancy and Infant Loss is SO SO SO forgotten about and ANY chance I get to yell my babies name at the world I DO IT!
Thank you for taking the time to listen and to read about my PRECIOUS angels! I hope every mother, father, grandmother/father, sister, brother, ecttt find GOD and the STRENGTH to pull through this battle ️
Karmyn Lynn Maden 06/26/2019
Baby Maden 09/30/2019
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Cover photo: photo Credit